ki ken tai ichi

a random thought

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 01:29:50 GMT

Among things I could do if I had time there is one that I really could imagine - giving the willing a crash course in "how to be a complete disaster". No, really - I'm an expert on that and get more proof as time goes by.

just a pause

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 08:20:27 GMT

I'm getting closer and closer to becoming a rolling stone. Sudden decisions, never staying long enough to become attached, always on the move, eager to get new impressions, try my skills & forces on a new challenge.
Somehow my life feels full now and it's wonderful - really, full of wonders. There's so much magical 'electricity' in the air I can almost see the sparks and most surely can sense it with every cell of my body.
I just hope that I won't stumble and suddenly find out that all this time I've been dancing on a thin rod over an abyss instead of the wide road I've imagined.

about leap years

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 09:17:07 GMT

Looks like this year is here to change everything that I've become used to in my life. And since I usually become used to not-so-pleasant things I can't change, it's a great thing:) It started with a NY celebration with a close friend in a beautiful city of Paris, continued with spring starting in february and bringing me happiness instead of a usual qualm of depression, and on it went, and I can't even start describing how wonderful it feels:)
I was told that in a leap year everything's going wrong; if this is how wrong it goes, I'd root for making every year a leap one:)

once again..

Sun, 03 Feb 2008 02:03:21 GMT

Well. Once again I'm a free person, living alone after a talk that's happened on friday evening.
Don't know what I feel yet. Somehow weird and a bit empty.
Sure, I traveled down this road before, I'll manage. But I can't help wondering - will it ever end? Or will every attempt at relationships die in pain after some struggling? There must be something wrong, but I don't know what..
Guess for now I'll just enjoy my freedom. What else do I have left..

turbulence

Tue, 15 Jan 2008 11:31:54 GMT

This month can be surely called the most busy I've ever had. Trips, admin work, coding work, paperwork with visa/passport/medical stuff for AFF, trainings, trying to plan my trip to Moscow to manage to meet everyone I want and do everything that's planned, friends here woke up & wanna spend time with me all of a sudden.. I even gave up cosplay for the festival in Msc, cause I've no time to make it.
Strange: every time I get a chance to rest - nothing urgent at work, no plans, no visits - I start whining about lack of attention and action almost at once. But in times like this, when even sleep takes too much time and is deprecated, I actually start getting a thought of a couple of days at home, with books and noone to bother, nothing to worry about, in the back of my head.
If I had to choose, I would definetely choose action.

another breakdown

Wed, 21 Nov 2007 14:01:36 GMT

I really pity my boyfriend - he has to live with a psycho. Even though I don't normally allow myself to break down like that with somebody watching.. sometimes it happens, and I can't help it. I'm only happy that he seems to take it well and actually manages to help me.
That feeling of constantly being tired - not being physically weared out or something, but more morally: I need to charge my batteries, but for that I need people.. which I don't have around me.
I actually managed to make more friends in Russia than in Norway in the past 4 years that I'm living here. Heck, a year ago I actually thought it might get better - but now one of my supposed friends left for another country, and other two are two busy with their own stuff to care for some time with me.
Surprisingly enough, it's bloody hard for an antisocial and misanthropic person to make friends. Especially IRL :D And it looks to me like the only thing I can be valued for here is my professional skills. Margopedia, Margo - the IT guru, Margo - the music man.. what about Margo the human being? I only know one person who cares about that in my vicinity, but it's too little for me, that's just how I am. I need to get out sometimes. I need rock'n'roll.

another turn

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 08:25:17 GMT

Well, I somehow knew that it will end up like that, but didn't know it will be so soon.
Anyway: I'm a free roaming keyboard player once again: the group I started playing with decided that the keyboard doesn't fit all too well into a heavy band.
So, to hell with this dream finally coming true. Guess it'll be another 2 years until next try, eh?
Yeah yeah. Shit happens. Gotta live with that. After all, noone can stop me from making music on my own:P
But yesterday was definetely not my day. Just all kinds of small annoying things happening, like my internet line dying right when I need it to talk with a customer (freaking Telewhore.. can't wait until the 28th when we get a new and better line installed :)).
Can't help hoping that today will be better.

smth random

Mon, 12 Nov 2007 17:58:57 GMT

Guess it's time to write a thing or two here again. It's getting harder to have a grip on all the social networks I'm on.. especially with my general dislike for LJ. Though sometimes it's just easier to express myself in english than in my mother language. Like it is with all the rhyming lines (don't even wanna call them poems) that I'm spewing with for the last couple of days.
Since my last visit here I've had another trip - SPb once again, another eventful weekend might I say.. what I know for sure now is that I won't drink lowering the % again, 'cause I don't want to be TOLD about what happened the other night again. It's just disgraceful. But it was fun. Lots of it.
And now it's one of those periods when I'm better off locked inside my inner world. It's bloody hard to concentrate on something except for some primitive and sometimes bizarre things. Though I really should start writing code without having to torture myself soon.
Ain't too sure I'll be back here soon.. or at least, how is "soon" defined in this case:P But who knows.
Now I gotta get home:)

post

Sat, 22 Sep 2007 09:35:17 GMT

Guess it's time to write something here too - seems like I always do right after coming back home from some trip :) Now it's from Malaga, Spain, where I've spent a week.
Well, this one was strange. For the first time in my life I went somewhere not to meet someone, but just to lay in the sun. For the first time I went somewhere with my girlfriend. Can't say I regret it, but.. it was weird and almost too queer. Not to mention that she wanted to cover every shop in every town in the vicinity with her attention, and I'm not exactly a fan of shopping except for books, multimedia and gadgets :D
Another thing - when we finally decided to go and see some sights, my bag was brutally stolen from the back of my chair while I sipped my morning coffee in a cafe on the way. So goodbye mobile, so long my player, farewell my wallet, bye, brand new camera and all the other stuff that was inside there. Also the first time in my life something is stolen from me, actually, and I want to believe it will also be the last, but, who knows. Anyway, life without cell is not that bad - I feel even more unattached to anything.
And there's autumn, it brings me into that same condition of cozy schizofrenia. But it's not so bad, I'm used to it.

just a thought

Thu, 06 Sep 2007 18:04:07 GMT

The thing I dislike most in all the people is small domestic glimpses of egoism and insensitivity.
When small irritating things are done (or not done) not because one doesn't want to, but because one doesn't even THINK that it could be done.
It's ok when it happens once.. twice.. but it's getting on the nerves when you finally understand that whether you silently correct the things yourself or point at them or argue about them.. they'll still be the same next time.
Sometimes I'm really just a bitter bitch, but.. You know, it's all the little things that's driving me mad(c)

low spirits

Sat, 11 Aug 2007 13:44:18 GMT

Coffee + alice cooper + concentrating my mind on all the small things.
Crazy thoughts at night and inadequacy in the daylight. I don't like people, did you know that?
My laptop, my notebook and my guitar are my best friends.
18 eps of Death Note.
It's raining.
I'm broken down.

congrats :)

Fri, 27 Jul 2007 06:38:10 GMT

Today's a special day for me and every colleague of mine - SysAdmin's apprecciation day :)
May our servers be stable, our networks flawless, and our users - quiet ;)

rock'n'roll

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 07:34:11 GMT

Well, what can I say: I'm back to Norway :) Now it's time to think over everything that happened during my vacation in Russia - all the people I've met, all the things that were said.. all I know now is that was pure rock'n'roll, raw power in it's prime :)
I'm full of love to the whole world. Maybe it's cause I can't see it too clear right now - my eyes didn't fully survive this trip :)

yeah baby

Mon, 04 Jun 2007 12:58:04 GMT

SUMMER IS HERE :)

life goes on

Tue, 15 May 2007 09:16:13 GMT

Studying and reading for exams. History's gone well, now I've norwegian language - oral and written - before me. Reading books - Erlend Loe - not only gives me ideas to talk about on 21st of May, but also helps to sort out some issues in my mind. Really, some books have a tendency to appear before me right when I need them.
Work goes on too. I suddenly realized that it's not long before my summer vacation, and there are some things I need to finish before that, so I should start doing them ASAP:) But now I actually feel satisfaction from doing my tasks, thinking, trying, failing and finding ways. It's fun again. I survived the spring, yay :)
Some other things are interesting too - like trying out this new service, blog.ru. Looks not so bad for a beta version, huh?:)
Seems strange when I think that it's summer soon - and my birthday with that. Not only because it's another landmark on my liferoad, but also because it seems that so much time has passed, so many things have happened and changed - and yet it's just one year that's passed by.
Actually, when I reflect on that, I can't think of one single thing that's same as a year ago. Hmm.. maybe my primary blog username, but not much more than that:D
Someone once told me that most of the cardinal changes and biggest stresses in one's life happen sometime near one's birthday. Well, looks like it's true this year - I'd say that a place I can finally call "home" is quite a big change for me :)

remission

Mon, 30 Apr 2007 09:05:22 GMT

Well, looks like i'm finally starting to understand what's happening in my life. Things get clearer, more explainable:)
This week's gonna be hectic - but afterwards I'm seeing some relief. Hopefully I'll kick my friend and we'll start sailing sometime soon - I really miss the sea:)
Summer's getting closer - it's so near I feel I can stretch my hand and feel it. Guess after this week i'll start looking for extra work (web development or translations - whatever I find), so I can be sure that my plans'll be fulfilled.
It's only rock'n'roll, yeah:)

i got my wicked moments

Tue, 17 Apr 2007 13:40:14 GMT

Since I came back to Norway, i've been in a whirlpool of events and things to do, feelings, words and minds. The runes tell me that my sign for now is Hagalaz, and I have no doubt about their rightness.
Meeting people, communication and pozitive vibrations - seems like i've got a year worth of that in those 6 days i've spent in Russia. A slight overdose for an antisocial misanthropic bitch© I must say, so getting over it and getting it inside me took some time. The morning after, heh%)
I've also come to some bothering thoughts, born in the reminiscence of some past times over a book. One of them is that more than anything else right now I need to find out, what is it that I want, and then - how, where and with whom. Though Hagalaz tells me - don't try to change the situation, it's the other way around it is now.
My energy is changing it's color again, or maybe not, maybe this whirlpool has just messed up my inner chargers. Anyway, because of that I want to sleep all the time and do it at once I get a chance. But of course, it's not too often, just my luck - or my karma, you name it. Once for a long time I actually want to continue writing my book, making the idea of it that lives continuosly in my brain flow to the screen/paper. But I don't get a chance for that either. Things are coming up all the time, and I'm more unprepared than always. Strange, people that've seen me in real life tend to think that I'm spontaneous, but I'd say that it's about 50% true - other 50% are cold, rational and thought through.
The good thing about my LJ blog is that here I write a concentrate of sentences, an extract of everything moreless important, and also some fragile substances are added, some that never make it to the pages of my 'official' blog. Dunno if it's that I don't write here too often or another language that make this difference. Though here I do feel more like i'm writing for myself only.

another trip

Fri, 23 Mar 2007 16:05:40 GMT

I've finally ordered my tickets, so here's where I'm goin':

4th of April - plane Oslo -> St. Petersburg, arriving at 14.30
night from 4th to 5th - train Spb -> Moscow, arriving somewhere in the early morning
night from 9th to 10th - train Moscow -> Spb, arriving hopefully early:)
10th of April - plane Spb -> Stockholm -> Oslo:)

It'll be a nice vacation, I'm sure of that:) The only thing i'm not sure of is that i'll have enough time to see everyone and do everything I want. Sometimes I really wish Norway and Russia were closer %)

something to read

Thu, 22 Mar 2007 11:05:29 GMT

If you're crazy about math, cryptography and logic - I recommend you to read this book:
Neil Stephenson "Cryptonomicon".
I never got such satisfaction from a book since "Tiger algebra", and that was read (and re-read) many years ago:)

it's irresistible

Wed, 21 Mar 2007 21:56:13 GMT

The whole day today felt like summer.
Two weeks until my easter vacation. Wonder how will it be to come back to the town where the happiest time of my life was spent:)

hmm?

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 14:24:21 GMT

A brake as I am, I just found out that I've been friended (well, this word surely does exist NOW:P) by three people that I've no idea who are.
inert_introvert, inexi and personallist - do I know you from somewhere?%) 'cause if I do - sorry, my recognition mechanism doesn't function..:)
Well, if I don't - welcome anyway:)

hmm

Sat, 17 Mar 2007 10:51:59 GMT

Translating a text about Switzerland, sometimes I wonder in which dictionary to look for the unknown word: english, german, french, italian? Kinda weird:)
*the word was "mazot", found in Lingvo Russian <> French :)

strange ways

Thu, 15 Mar 2007 09:14:38 GMT

I broke my "tradition" - this march is going without depressions or anything in that way. Quite opposite - I'm actually feeling happy, and even some minor things irl won't spoil it:) It's wonderful. And all thanks to that I finally understood some things:)

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 16:12:39 GMT

Yes, the spring has come, and brought a qualm of melancholy with it.
Guess asking myself various interesting questions like "why?" or "wtf?" won't help much, so I resign to writing moody poems and playing my old blues songs. Or sleeping. Well, at least it's better than being depressive and spoiling the mood of everyone around.
At least my working mood is back - thanks to Neko. So I'm finally writing the analysis and hoping to finish it by tomorrow, yeah.
I hate March.

my good deed for a day

Fri, 23 Feb 2007 14:28:28 GMT

Finding two bugs in my preferred calendar extension for Joomla, fixing them with 3 lines of PHP code and then giving the fixes to the developer:)